I think the hardest part for me as a photographer (even though that is not my specialty, per se) is being able to just take pictures. I spend a ton of time thinking about how I want shots and how I want them to turn out perfectly and many times, I take too long framing or setting up my shot, and I miss what I wanted to shoot.
I’m this way with a lot of things, and it’s definitely something I need to work on. Professional photographers, as far as I know, just take thousands of pictures. If they have a shoot to do, they don’t worry incessantly if something is at the perfect angle. They just look, frame, shoot, adjust. And over and over. They do it so fast.
I don’t know if it’s just intimidating, or what. I’d love to be one of those people who takes pictures for events, but the task is so daunting. I’d want to capture everything, and I’d want to capture it all well. It would be so hard to just be like “okay, everyone gather round, on the count of three” because those pictures are lame and boring. I would want all of my pictures to have a good amount of foreground and background and I would want every single shot to show something significant.
I guess this worry kind of transfers over into everything I do, especially with journalism. It is a constant fear of failing. I fret that I may not be good enough to cut it, or that maybe a piece I’ve been giving out as a sample sucks and no one has told me. Just trying to get a summer job related to journalism has been nearly impossible, and it really sucks.
I want work that I can put in my portfolio, and I want internships and stuff like that. This summer, I have to stay in CoMo, but I still want to be doing work related to journalism. Thus far, I have been unsuccessful finding such a thing.
Disappointment is probably my worst fear. And not my disappointment, I can deal with that. I hate letting other people down. This is both an asset and a downfall. It makes me work really hard and do good work, but I’m not as quick as some people. My every move is planned, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing anymore.
2150 has taught me a lot, and has definitely made me more aware of this worry I have. Multimedia is what I’ll be going into, and therefore I need to be really good. It’s frustrating knowing that I see in my head how great something can be, and I either don’t have the same time an employed person would have to capture the right shots or don’t have the right equipment or know exactly the proper method.
One thing I would love would be to just shadow someone for a day or two. Go out with a really good photographer and sit in a jungle with him for his wildlife shoot or follow a reporter for a hotshot investigative paper and find out what and how he does what he does.
I’m a hands on learner, I get better by just doing things, so that would probably help too. Maybe I’ll just start carrying a camera around with me, or a notebook and just take pictures of things and people. Interview people for no reason, just to get more comfortable with it (though I’d say the interview part isn’t as bad, but I still get a little anxious pre-interview every time).
My future seems so close. Two years and I graduate. It’s already been two years past, and honestly, I’m shocked every time I think of that. It has felt like 5 months. I’ve crammed so much knowledge into my head it is astounding, but the amount of time it has taken has flown by. It just makes me so nervous about my career outlook.
Maybe I’m just overanalyzing this too.